Hope Dealing 101: Giving a Great Speaker Meeting

What is a speaker meeting? A speaker meeting is done after someone reaches a year clean. In other programs, it is called a testimony and done after specific objectives have been attained.

What is the purpose of a speaker meeting? The speaker meeting is done to give hope to others that recovery is possible. 

February Better Life in Recovery Community Event Planning Meeting

Better Life in Recovery is transforming lives with recovery. Our mission is to deal hope and reduce stigma surrounding addictions and mental health through community service, education and awareness events that celebrate people in long-term recovery. We are trying to make an impact on recovery with recovery!

Long-Term Recovery: Spiritual Spackle

Today, I want to introduce you to the concept of Spiritual Spackle. It is what took me from bitter to grateful and from abstinent to being in recovery. To understand what Spiritual Spackle is, let’s start with a story from my younger years:

Should We Legalize Marijuana?

Last year Colorado legalized recreational marijuana usage. The voters came to the polls and their voices were heard. They wanted marijuana.  That is their choice. I disagree with it. I think voting may have been different in Colorado were it  not for the lack of factual reporting from organizations such as NORML and other grassroot movements instrumental in the legalization of marijuana. They make statements and arguments based on fallacies and half-truths. Here are some of the more common ones:

Moving from Sobriety to Recovery with 7 Simple Additions

I often explain the difference between sobriety and recovery to people. For people who never struggled with addictions, they do not understand the two are different. In one of the fellowships, they have a clever way of presenting the difference by posing a question: 

"What do you get when you sober up a drunken horse thief?"

Long-Term Recovery: Overcoming Resentments

I was asked to talk to one of my friend’s friends. She had overdosed and would be spending a couple of weeks in the hospital. She had also gotten a probation violation. As we talked all I heard were resentments. She was angry with the world!

“How dare the hospital keep me here.”

“How dare my probation officer file a violation.”

“If my friend hadn't got me high, I wouldn't be in his mess.”

Her resentments reminded me of………..me! Resentments robbed me of my serenity for years. I allowed them to keep me trapped in a cycle of addiction for years. If not resolved, they will do the same to you!

David Stoecker: Interview for Drug Free VA

This is an interview for Sink or Swim, which is part of the Drug Free VA campaign. It was a really great experience, and I  hope it helps people who see it. I have truly been blessed to have the opportunity to speak in videos, television commercials and communities. I love that I have gone from dealing dope to dealing hope through my recovery, and enjoy the opportunities I have had to share my story with others so that they too can lead better lives.

Bottom line, drugs make you feel good but lead you to a lot of negative choices. Recovery, on the other hand, is not only possible it is amazing! Apply the 5 Pillars of Recovery (http://betterlifeinrecovery.blogspot.com/2014/12/long-term-recovery-5-pillars-of-recovery.html)  or the extended version I call the Locker Room (http://betterlifeinrecovery.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-locker-room-10-things-for-long-term.html) and you are sure to attain long-term recovery. Long-term recovery should be everyone's goal. It does take some effort. After all, recovery is not for people who need it or want it, but for the people who actually work it!

Educating people on addiction/recovery and reducing stigma are my passion. If they are your passion as well, check out what Better Life in Recovery is doing. We are transforming lives with recovery. We do this by dealing hope and reducing the stigma that surround addictions and mental health issues through community service, education and awareness events that celebrate people in long-term recovery! Thanks for reading and watching.

Better Life in Recovery: Year in Review and Plans for 2015

2014 was a great year for Better Life in Recovery’s (BLiR) mission, Transforming Lives with Recovery. To meet our mission we engaged in community service, education and awareness events that celebrated people in long-term recovery. To see how BLiR has progressed, we will look at 2013 and 2014 events:

2013- 3 Events- 100 People – 5 Sponsors

1.      River Clean Up – We picked up about 100 pounds of trash. 5 attended

2.      Recovery Day at Hammons Field - 22 attended a game

3.      Recovery Month BBQ – FREE games, food, a bounce house and over $500 in door prizes. 75 attended

2014 – 6 Events – 700 People – 25 Sponsors  

Long-Term Recovery: 12 Tips for a Safe, Sane and Sober Holiday

The holiday season is either one of the best or worst times of year. Holidays can be dangerous times for people in recovery. Like them or not, we will see family and friends we don’t see often. We may be invited to parties where alcohol and other drugs are in abundance. We may even be alone. All of these can lead steer us towards depression, anxiety and relapse. Here are 12 Steps for making it through the holiday season safe, sane and sober:

Long-Term Recovery: It Works if You Work It

I was hacked off this week. A friend relapsed, and it made me angry at first. How can anyone who has significant clean time relapse. Once you have several years and see life is amazing without drugs/alcohol, what could possess you to use again?

Then I remembered how cunning, baffling and strong addiction can be. I thought back to my relapses in the past. I no longer wanted to use, yet I did anyway. There were multiple reasons that I relapsed. In a way they were useful to me because I always learned and grew from them.

In the wake of his relapse, I reflected on the things that have kept me rocking a sober recovery this time. Never forget, your addiction is in the back of your head: running on a treadmill, lifting weights and doing research! It is getting stronger and smarter each and every day, trying to figure out the best way to take over your life again. This is to be avoided at all costs!!

If our addiction is getting stronger and smarter, we obviously need to insure our recovery is stronger than our addiction. The question is, how do we strengthen our recovery? There is no easy way. In fact, it can be difficult at first. Here is how I have built long-term recovery:

Long-Term Recovery: The One Rule that Changed My Life

One rule that can change your life…….

Does that sound too good to be true?

 Is there really one rule that can change your life?

YES!!!

I am living proof that you can change your life. I have been through the wringer. I hit rock bottom and grabbed a shovel. It wasn't good enough for me. If being bad was all I was good at I wanted to excel. I gave my addictions my all. I had a hole in me that I kept trying to fill. There was never enough drugs, girls or money to fill the void, so I kept doing more.  

Then I hit my last bottom. I realized I not only needed to get clean, I wanted to get clean. I worked recovery like I had addiction, all day every day. I made positive changes instead of just talking about them. One of those changes was asking myself several questions before I did anything. After a while, I no longer needed to ask myself the questions anymore.

Why?

Long-Term Recovery: The 5 Pillars of Recovery

What are the 5 Pillars of Recovery? They are 5 things you must have to insure successful long-term recovery. As a counselor specializing in co-occurring disorders, I use the 5 Pillars with all of my clients: eating disorders, chemical dependency, codependency, depression, grief and loss or stagnantion. They are beneficial for everyone.

In the field of recovery, I have found that they are vital. When I have had a client relapse, it was usually because they had not made all 5 of them part of their lives. When I have had a friend who slipped, it was because they stopped doing one or more of them. There is more to recovery than just these 5 things, but I have never seen someone who was actively applying them on a consistent basis relapse. That is how important they are!

The Locker Room: 10 Requirements for Long-Term Recovery

I am big on using analogies; people understand analogies. Today, we are going to talk about everybody's lives using a sport’s themed analogy. Whether you are in long-term recovery, addiction or consider yourself normal (what ever that is), this applies to you! I believe we all have basic needs that must be satisfied to live our lives well. 

"What do we need?"

Glad you asked! First, realize our lives are like a game. In most games when you lose, you start a new game. In Monopoly, when you land on Go to Jail! you do not pass go, you do not collect $200 and you go directly to jail. This game is serious. In this game, when you go to jail, you are in a 5 foot by 9 foot cell and they might keep you for a while. This game is real, it is for keeps. Most of us only get one chance at it, so let’s make the most of it. 

So how do I make the most of my life?

Put Your Best Foot Forward to Reduce Recovery Stigma

What does putting your best foot forward mean?

It means you lead with your strongest selling point, your strengths. If I am applying for a job, that means my resume leads with my positives. If I am interviewing, I talk about my accomplishments. I steer the focus away from my deficits and towards my strengths. I also avoid buzz words that could leave a negative lasting impression on the person I am talking to.

Someone who does this well would be Donald Trump. Mr. Trump has filed bankruptcy 4 times. When he meets someone in the community, how do you think he refers to himself? “Hi, my name is Donald and I am a businessman who has filed bankruptcy 4 times.” Of course not, he refers to himself by his successes. When people think of him they think of his successful properties and TV show.

What does this have to do with recovery?

Everything!

Who Am I....Long-Term Recovery: I Am One of Those People!

Hi, my name is David and I am a person in long-term recovery. For me that means I have not used drugs or alcohol since January 31^st, 2009 and since then I have dedicated my life to helping others. I am a husband, father, sponsor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, hope dealer, stigma killer and motivational speaker.

I was abused as a child which led to a lot of mental health issues. I used alcohol and other drugs to escape from my past and feel normal. I was introduced to methamphetamine my senior year dropped out of high school.

Over the next 25 years I died more times than I can count on one hand and went to jail more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. I thought nothing would ever change. Boy was I ever wrong. I asked God for a miracle and He answered that prayer. It was not easy. I had to work for it, so I focused on my recovery like I did my addictions.

I applied the 5 Pillars of Recovery:  

1.    Higher Power

2.    Sponsor

3.    12 Steps

4.    Accountability Partners

5.    Meetings

While applying the 5 Pillars I discovered my past had not broken me, but made me stronger and wiser. Read more about them here: http://betterlifeinrecovery.blogspot.com/2014/12/long-term-recovery-5-pillars-of-recovery.html

Today, I am a counselor for the Greene County, MO treatment courts through Alternative Opportunities Treatment Services. I have 4 college degrees including a Masters of Social Work. I am a role model for my family and the community. I sit on 3 different board of directors for local organizations. I use my past to help other people overcome their hurts, habits and hang-ups. I have gone from dealing dope to dealing hope!

Several years ago I started a nonprofit called Better Life in Recovery (BLiR) because of the stigma regarding addiction, mental health and recovery that permeates our society. BLiR’s mission is transforming lives with recovery. We deal hope and reduce stigma people who struggle with addictions and mental health issues face through community service, education and awareness events that celebrate people in long-term recovery. 

BLiR is growing steadily. In 2012 we did 1 event, in 2013 we did 3 events, 2014 we did 8 events and in 2015 we are aiming for 24. We are currently looking for funding to start a local recovery community center and finish a documentary that will be part of a program that encourages youth and helps them live amazing lives. BLiR is proving that in recovery, we go from draining resources in our communities to becoming one!

Today, I know that the sky is the limit and my goal is to give people who are still struggling the hope that they can achieve sobriety, and the people in recovery the courage to come forward and be proud of who they have become while rejoining their communities! 

I hope you join me in letting others know there is a BETTER LIFE IN RECOVERY!!

Long-Term Recovery beats Addiction Hands Down

As an addict, I lacked concern for anything other than my next high. As an agnostic I lacked accountability. For me, those combined for a perfect storm of problems. (I am not saying all addicts and agnostics are this way, but I was.)

I could manufacture and sell methamphetamine without caring about its' impact on other people. I could hurt people over tiny amounts of money and not worry about any spiritual repercussions. I could steal from anyone, sleep with whoever I wanted to and leave them immediately after with no concerns other than legal ramifications.

Life was easy and uncomplicated. Unless the police caught me, I would never be held responsible for the things that I did. Even if they caught me, I would still never have to answer for EVERYTHING that I had done to people. My life was all about me.

Get Addicted to Long-Term Recovery

There is a purpose to this blog. It is to tell you what drives me, and for anyone who has struggled with an addiction to understand a little more about themselves.

I am an addict. We will get that out of the way now. When I say I am an addict you probably know at least one thing about me; I have impulse control problems. I get an urge to act on whatever my addiction might be to and I do it. I live my life by the Nike slogan, "Just Do It!" I am not saying it is right, it is simply what I do.

Once I act upon it, I go places people should not go. In fact, I go places most people would never go. I do not act like most people. I push the envelope with all that I do: drinking, drugging, eating, etc. I go all out. I have trouble stopping once I begin.

Sadly, I am seldom that way with positive things. I once heard a guy at a meeting say the only thing he ever did in moderation was work the steps. I found that funny but true.

Long-Term Recovery: You Never Have to Use Again

I remember being at a meeting and hearing someone say, “Relapse is part of the process.” I sat there, thought about it for a minute and realized that is one of the dumbest things I had ever heard.

Relapse may be part of some people’s road to recovery, but some people stop and never use again. Telling people that relapse is part of the program is done for a reason and I understand that. I believe it is done so that when people relapse, they are not ashamed or embarrassed of their relapse and never come back to a meeting again.

That said, there are way better things to tell someone than relapse is part of the program. Someone telling me that can actually fuel my relapse.

I prefer something that I heard at a meeting about 15 years ago.

The Platinum Rule beats the Golden Rule for Long-Term Recovery

When I got sober, I believed I deserved to hurt. I deserved pain for the people I hurt. There was a massive trail of broken lives in the wake my addiction had created. When I got hurt, I knew I had it coming. My sponsor saw I had this problem and talked to me about the Golden Rule. I had trouble relating to it.

Next he introduced me to the Silver Rule, thinking I could understand that better. The Silver Rule posits, "One shouldn't treat others in a way they would not like to be treated." This still did not work. I thought I had to do penance for old behaviors. When bad things happened, I chalked them up to reaping what I sowed.

I knew I had to become more positive so I looked to the person I felt positive about. No matter how much I disliked myself, I loved my sister. At the time she was the person I loved the most. I did not ever want to see someone mistreat her. She was my inspiration for the Platinum Rule, which is to:

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO TREAT THE PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT MOST

Change One Word to Super Size Your Recovery

It is amazing how much power can result from changing one word. I did this with the word HAVE, changing it to GET. That one change transformed my life. It completely changed my attitude. I no longer see things as obstacles but instead as opportunities. Here is how it is applied.

I used to hate going to recovery meetings. I would be fine once I got there, but the motivation to get there in the first place was missing. I would look at the clock and think to myself, “I have to go to a meeting tonight.” It was very low on my totem pole of things to do, even though I realized how important they were to my sobriety.

As I began to get more involved with the meetings, I opened myself up to doing more at them. I would set up chairs and tables for the meetings. I made coffee. I became necessary to the meetings and began to see them not as things I HAD to do, but things I GOT to do.  Soon I would see it was almost time for the meeting, and would say to myself, “I get to go to a meeting.”