The Platinum Rule beats the Golden Rule for Long-Term Recovery

When I got sober, I believed I deserved to hurt. I deserved pain for the people I hurt. There was a massive trail of broken lives in the wake my addiction had created. When I got hurt, I knew I had it coming. My sponsor saw I had this problem and talked to me about the Golden Rule. I had trouble relating to it.

Next he introduced me to the Silver Rule, thinking I could understand that better. The Silver Rule posits, "One shouldn't treat others in a way they would not like to be treated." This still did not work. I thought I had to do penance for old behaviors. When bad things happened, I chalked them up to reaping what I sowed.

I knew I had to become more positive so I looked to the person I felt positive about. No matter how much I disliked myself, I loved my sister. At the time she was the person I loved the most. I did not ever want to see someone mistreat her. She was my inspiration for the Platinum Rule, which is to:

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO TREAT THE PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT MOST

That was all it took to get me to understand the concept of the Golden Rule and apply it to my life in early recovery. Soon that list included my wife, son, daughter and niece.The platinum rule covered the situations I found myself in. How did I apply the Platinum Rule? Here are a few examples:

1.    Would I want someone to gossip about my son and spread rumors about him? NO! Therefore, I try not gossip about other people behind their backs and come to them when I have problems. 

2.    Would I want someone to yell at my wife if they had a problem with her? NO! So I don't yell at people when I have a problem with them. Instead, I calmly talk to them so we can squash the issue. 

3.    Would I want someone to break into my daughter's house and steal from her? NO! By process of elimination I do not steal from other people. 

The Platinum Rule made a ton of difference in my recovery. When used properly, it takes you a few seconds before you act. Trust me, for a lot of us that is not a bad thing. I was very impulsive in my past, and I seldom made the wisest choices when I jumped right into things.

In fact, 99.9% of the time I made the absolute worst decision. That all has changed due to me changing my thought process. Now I ask myself, "Is this how I would want someone to treat my son, my daughter, my sister, my wife?" If it isn't, then I have no business treating them that way.

With the Platinum Rule I find myself acting instead of reacting!